Respite in the care home

Mrs Kilbride could not settle at Burns Park, partly because she was angry at her daughter`s role in having to live there, and partly because she felt isolated.  This was probably why she made an application to the Housing Department for sheltered housing.  In order to gain more points she played up her difficulties when George Kilbride helped her to fill in the application form.  This turned out to be a big mistake. Perhaps that is why social workers became involved as they might have needed to do an assessment.  John Kilbride did not know and was never informed.


When George Kilbride admitted to John that he had just finished rehab, John hoped that his brother had seen the light in some way and was ready to put past differences behind them.  Maybe George`s irritation with him had had other implications. But whatever the change in his brother was about, it did not last, and they were soon back to square one. John could only reflect on the situation because in his family personal matters were never discussed, disputes were never tolerated, and nothing was ever resolved. He knew that George had once been hospitalised due to a minor heart attack, according to his mother, and he went in and out of hospital without any fuss being made about it.  He had assumed that George`s current sick leave from the Post Office was in some way connected with that, but nobody had told him that there was anything serious to worry about.  There was never any talk about George needing a by-pass or any other type of operation. But now he had been presented with this other fact. George had been to rehab. Was the minor heart attack a cover up story?


And rehab for what?  John Kilbride remembered some years back when he had gone to the Scotia bar in Glasgow where he was in the habit of going on a Saturday or Sunday to listen to the live folk bands.  He had built up a good collection of recordings of different artists and enjoyed following their careers, some of whom went on to better things, and others who faded or just kept slogging away. He enjoyed the characters and the banter. He also enjoyed the jam sessions and would take his guitar with him in order to have a session with like minded musicians. There was that once when unexpectedly he had bumped into George in the Scotia at the end of the night who was there to listen to his son performing that day. It was a bit strained but John was able to offer George a drink and got him the rum and coke he wanted before he left. Instinct told him not to dally.


Unfortunately the bus for the New Town did not come fast enought because George appeared at the bus stop before John was able to escape. Maybe it was the fresh aid that did it. George immediately engaged with John in a confrontational manner. `You`re not my brother` he said after a few pleasant but standard exchanges. No matter how John Kilbride played it after that, he could not turn his brother around, not with humour, nor distractions, nor appeals to reason.  Verbal abuse soon escalated into physical attempts and John was soon in the road with his guitar case in front of him trying to ward off the blows from George who had worked himself up into a fury.  John Kilbride was not as drunk as his brother seemed to be and had no wish to engage in a meaningless fight with him.  John remembered how embarrassing it was. He hated it because all of this happened at the bus stop in front of witnesses who had just emptied themselves out of the Scotia bar and most of them knew John very well.  Few would have recognised George.  John Kilbride never went back to the Scotia for several years after this humiliating event.  By that time everything in the Scotia had changed.

Scotia Bar

It did not get any better once they got on the bus. George persisted with the verbal abuse no matter how many times John changed his seat.  There were several other passengers who were quite drunk too and could easily have misconstrued what was going on.  Finally, to get away from it, John got off the bus at Clarkston and began the long walk home.  George rushed to the back of the bus and made obscene hand gestures at John as the bus pulled away.  It was madness.  Some time later John was in conversation with acquaintances who knew both George and John.  They told him George was like that with his friends.


Like that with his friends?  John pondered the matter. It looked like George was in trouble with his drinking even if drugs were not an issue.  Perhaps rehab had been about weaning himself off of alcohol. It was also possible that because of his heart trouble his doctor had advised him accordingly and that no operation would be made available until he had changed his lifestyle.  Again, he did not know. As far as the situation with his mother was concerned, he did not like this.  There could be reasons why George wanted access to his mother`s money.  He certainly was not a well man and should not have been pushing himself forward for the role of primary carer.


So when John Kilbride first heard about the proposed respite care for his mother he felt that this was a good idea. He learned about it whilst sitting with family members in his mother`s house.  The idea was that Mrs Kilbride would go to the village care home for three weeks respite and this would allow George and his siblings to have a break and included the Easter weekend.  George had already booked his tickets. Despite being on sick leave he certainly seemed to be able to manage holiday trips away which was revealing in itself. John Kilbride felt that his mother would get rest, food and medication regularly.  She certainly had been having a rough time recently and she needed built up a bit.  When John Kilbride examined the website for the village care home he noted that it was a necessary requirement that a referral to the care home should be made through social services.  So somebody had been talking to a social worker but that part of the arrangement was never discussed in front of him.  As far as John Kilbride was aware, George was helping his mother to push her application for sheltered housing forward, and that is what his mother wanted.


In the meantime John Kilbride made enquiries about setting up meals on wheels for his mother so that hopefully this could be set in place for her return to Burns Park after her respite care.  The only problem was that Mrs Kilbride did not want to go into a care home for three weeks. It seemed that her objections did not amount to much and everything was set in place regardless. At the time John Kilbride did not make any issues about this and hoped that if he visited his mother regularly the time would pass more easily for her and could also be used to set up better support for her. He knew that his mother wanted to live as independently as possible and never thought for one minute that her independence was now under threat.


When the time came his mother and him did spend some enjoyable visits together at the village care home.  It was a very pleasant environment, the weather was good for the time of year, and there was a lovely garden attached to the home where they could sit outside.  On Friday 29 April 2011 they watched the Royal wedding on television and it was good to see his mother enjoying her champagne and strawberries. Little did John Kilbride realise at the time that the village care home was a kind of show piece, giving visitors a sense that care homes were pleasant places to live.  In the shadows were other care homes of a more sinister nature.

There was that day when his mother had her hair done in the village care home.  John Kilbride was surprised to see George  rushing in to hand over £20.00 for his mother`s hair do.  When John questioned his mother she admitted that she had given George Kilbride the mandate for her current account at the bank.  She actually had no money with her in the care home. Now John began to understand how his brother could afford his Easter break.  His mother`s respite in the care home was a set up in more ways than one.  His mother would not tolerate being called a fool.  She had made her own decisions all her life and was a very proud person. Again, John felt he had to walk a tightrope but there were some indications that his mother was aware of her growing vulnerability.  The two of them were drawing closer and he suspected that his mother had her reasons.  He was determined to keep on her good side.


But who had contacted George Kilbride to pay the hairdresser?  It had not been his mother because he was there visiting at this time and she had not contacted George.  John Kilbride had a sinking feeling about this because it looked like there was communication going on behind his mother`s back between the care home staff and George.  His brother had certainly embedded himself deeply within the care system and was acting as the spokesperson for the whole family. Knowing that if there were disputes about what was happening to his mother, Irene would be more likely to take George`s side, keeping a balance whilst walking the tightrope was just getting a bit more difficult.


Setting aside these anxieties, John Kilbride continued to visit his mother Monday to Friday, leaving the weekends free for other visitors. Although Mrs Kilbride complained that she did not want to be in the care home, John had a knack of calming his mother down and could distract her enough to alter her mood.  One very successful strategy was to get her talking about her past life.  She loved to recount her stories and it did not bother John that she would often repeat herself.  Whilst she was engaged in telling her stories she was very animated and enjoying herself.  He had noticed that both George and Irene got irritated with their mother for being repetitive.  In contrast John would keep it going by asking more questions. They could end up having a right good laugh together because his mother did enjoy the ironies of life.


When John Kilbride left his mother that Easter weekend her spirits had been lifted. She only had a few more days and her three weeks respite would be over. When he called in to see her on the Monday 2 May 2011 he was disturbed to find out that she was not there and that no-one had informed him about this change.  He had taken it for granted that his mother was safe in the care home.  Had he known that she had been taken home he would have checked up on her. One of the staff informed John Kilbride that family members had visited on Saturday and Mrs Kilbride had got so distraught that she was banging her walking stick on the window and demanding to be taken home.  So her good mood had not even lasted twenty four hours. John Kilbride was further informed that Staff had told Mrs Kilbride`s visitors that Mrs Kilbride had a right to be taken home if that is what she wanted.  Apart from that her behaviour was disturbing the other residents. The care worker would not inform John who the family members were.  He knew that George was away for his Easter weekend break so it definitely would not be him.

Pear blossoms for mother`s day

As soon as John Kilbride got back to his flat he telephoned his mother`s number and was shocked to hear Irene`s voice at the other end of the line.  She spoke to him with her authoritarian voice and told him that the doctor was on his way and not to bother coming down. John had no idea if this was an emergency and immediately raced to his mother`s house.  Probably Irene thought it was the doctor because she opened the door immediately but then her face fell as soon as she saw him. Once inside John Kilbride got another shock. His mother had a black eye. This confused him so much that he did not even remark on the fact. Back in his flat, John Kilbride had an opportunity to reflect on these matters and he came to the conclusion that his mother must have banged her eye whilst thrashing about with her walking stick, or maybe when she flung herself into the car to be taken home. She must have been really wound up to have behaved like that. The colouration of the black eye suggested it was more than a day old and his mother never made any complaint about it. But he never stopped wondering.


Nevertheless Irene was looking sheepish and his mother appeared anxious and fidgety. Doctors only meant one thing to her. Either she was going into hospital or back to a care home and she wanted neither. This had been Irene`s decision. His mother was looking frail and helpless and unsure of herself. When John Kilbride thought about it he figured out that Irene must have visited their mother on the Saturday in the village care home otherwise she would not have known that she was home.  It is possible that Irene had taken her home and picked up their mother`s few belongings and that might have included her house key. She may have just walked into their mother`s house.


At the time John Kilbride was too stunned by these events to think clearly. He noticed that his mother kept asking Irene why she was there. "Go home, and look after Heather," she kept telling her and made it obvious that she wanted rid of her, but Irene insisted she must wait for the doctor. It was Easter Monday and it would be a long wait. When it became clear to Mrs Kilbride that Irene was determined to stay she began to use another tactic. "Where`s the photographs Irene?" she asked repeatedly.  John Kilbride could sense his sister`s embarrassment.  "They`re in the bedroom Mum," she said and went off to look for them but took an inordinately long time about it.  She eventually came out empty handed and gave a shrug.


In order to relieve the tension John Kilbride decided to make them all a cup of tea.  It was when he was rinsing out the cups that he discovered that there was no hot water.  Opening the refrigerator, he then discovered that the fridge had been switched off and it had been cleaned, emptied and bleached.  There was no milk, butter or fresh bread.  Examining the cupboards he could only see a few tins.  Whoever had dropped his mother off from the care home had not bothered to check if his mother had any supplies.  This further suggested that it must have been Irene who would have been unaware of the state of the kitchen.  It also indicated that Irene had taken their mother home in a bit of a temper and just dumped her. This was awful  After a couple of days Irene`s conscience must have got the better of her.


Mrs Kilbride pointed out to the locum doctor that she did not want to go back to the care home but she did not seem to have much fight left in her. Not surprising given that she must have eaten very little and who knows if she had taken her tablets.  John informed the doctor that he was prepared to stay with his mother twenty four seven, if that is what she wanted.  He could see Irene pursing her lips and shaking her head at the doctor.  He heard her say that their mother had been falling all over the place.  Falling all over the place?  That was a lie.  Mrs Kilbride had had one slip in her bathroom; the black eye was about something else. Still stunned, and having had little opportunity to discuss what had happened regarding his mother`s black eye with anybody, John Kilbride was unsure of his ground. In any case, his mother was more subdued in front of the doctor and put up little resistance and he did not want to start playing tug-of-war over his mother when he knew she had no fresh food in her fridge.


So when the locum doctor said she might be able to arrange for their mother to finish her respite care it did seem like the most sensible option at the time.  After a phone call, this was arranged automatically.  What John Kilbride was quick to remind everybody later was that this locum doctor did not provide any treatment to Mrs Kilbride; did not write out any prescription and she never made any diagnosis. After all, what was presented to her was a little old lady with an unexplained black eye, and that was it. What the doctor did was the most sensible thing in the circumstances because she did not know Mrs Kilbride.  Really this was a situation that required to be assessed and it was about basic social care. That Mrs Kilbride had four grown up children who could not work out amongst themselves how to ensure that Mrs Kilbride`s basic needs were being met, was a shame on her family.


Little did John Kilbride know how such a situation as this could be taken advantage of by social services.


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